How Should My FiancÚ Prepare
to be a Pastor's Wife?

 by Chuck Snyder
 co-chaplain for the Seattle Mariners


Dear Chuck
My fiance and I are to be married in December. We have spoken about the call the Lord has made upon my life to become a pastor. What should this mean to her as a pastor's wife? What is her responsibility, if any? Is there anything I should know so as not to impress upon her something she is not willing to do? Please help.

Chuck's Response
Thanks for your note about the call from the Lord about you being a pastor. That is a good thing. I think the burden is on your fiancÚ to see if she thinks that kind of lifestyle would be something she could live with and enjoy. People in ministry are notoriously underpaid. Oftentimes their evenings, weekends and other "family" time are spent caring for the "sheep." She should talk to all the other pastors' wives she can find in your community or denomination and get stories from them as to what it will be like. I would hate for her to go into this "blind." There is nothing you can do to help her. This is her decision entirely. After she does her research, then the two of you should get together and discuss the findings. If you think she would not be happy as a pastor's wife, then it would be up to you as to whether to cancel the marriage or go be a plumber or harvest pineapple or something. These are my thoughts for your consideration. Let me know if you want to talk further.

Chuck Snyder



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Updated 05/24/2005