My mom and my husband had a huge blowout a few days ago, and both
have said that they don't want to see each other. They are both
Christians, but tempers flared. He yelled at her, she grabbed his
shirt and arm once. He then said some swear words and even pushed
her away once. He does feel how he reacted to her "attack"
was wrong and sent my parents an email apologizing, but he still
does not want to talk to them. My parents don't think that they have
done anything wrong. They want to go to our pastor and tell him what
happened. I am stuck in the middle and don't know exactly what to
do. All I can think is to pray. But both parties try to get me on
their side. Please advise.
sad reading your note about being caught in the middle of a
squabble. Sounds like you have three children to deal with, and I'm
sorry. At least, they are acting like children. They might say they
are Christians, but the Bible I am reading says that we will know if
a person is a true, sold out, born-again, dedicated disciple of
Jesus Christ by their LOVE not their angry abuse. For sure, we all
make mistakes. Your husband's attitude is very immature, but there
is nothing you can do about it.
your parents tell the pastor so be it. Change churches. Your husband
is your first priority, but I think there is a middle ground that
you can take. When one party tries to bring you to their side, just
say, "I'm not part of this controversy and I'm not going to
take sides. I recommend that you both ask forgiveness, and let's get
on with our lives." They might not listen to you, but at least
you will have tried. They are acting like children, and I know you
are sad to see that.
don't have any solutions for you personally, other than just staying
out of the way. For sure YOU visit your mom from time to time to
honor her, and be the best wife you can for your husband. Don't put
any pressure on him to ask forgiveness or whatever. He will resist
your instruction. Just try to be neutral and reflect back any
emotional feelings your mom or husband expresses with some
statements like these:
- That really ties you up in knots, doesn't it?
- Tell me more about that.
- That was really frustrating, wasn't it?
- My, my.
- And then what happened?
- And what else do you feel?
- That was real difficult, wasn't it?
- Isn't that something?
- For goodness sake.
- I'll bet you couldn't believe it, could you?
- I'll bet you felt helpless, didn't you?
- That made you so sad, didn't it?
- What else did she say?
- How did that make you feel?
- How about that.
- Did you expect that?
- That must have hurt.
this way it will appear that you understand what they are saying,
but you are not actually agreeing with them. I wish I had an easier
answer, but these are my thoughts for your consideration.