have a wonderful husband but for his inability to express what he
feels. If I give out tokens of love, by way of a card or encouraging
e-mail, he never replies in any way or even gives thanks.
says that I should not feel rejected, but I do. He can be very self
absorbed and most times gives very little of himself into the
relationship. He says he struggles to relate to anybody, and I
should not take it personally.
know that love is not self-seeking, but I do want to feel loved. I
feel like nothing I do is good enough to get a response from him. So
I keep increasing my levels of sowing love, but to no avail. I don't
want to be a nag, but I do want my husband to take a more active
part in the marriage.
is there in person -- but most times that is about it. He tells me
that this is simply his personality and there is nothing he can do
to make a difference. I feel that he does not love me.
do we overcome this?
for the note about your unresponsive husband. This is one of the
major differences between men and women. Most women come into
marriage with every gift to have a wonderful relationship. Most of
the time a man comes into marriage with very few. I am not "man
bashing." I'm not a traitor to my own sex. I am simply stating
are into connecting; men are into independence. Women are into
people and relationships; men are into things. Women are into
equality; men are into winning and losing. Women are into details;
men are into the big picture. Women are into serving; men are into
being in charge.
churches earn zeros in teaching men what women need. Our pastors
didn't know because they were men. Our dads and grandfathers never
said anything. Therefore, many men are ignorant as to the ways of a
woman, and we offend them terribly without meaning to.
is probably another factor at work in your situation: You might have
different love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman has written a terrific
book called The Five Love
Languages. Your local Christian
bookstore could find it for you. It talks about how we tend to
"talk" in our own love language, so other people with
different languages don't feel our love. Some people express love
with serving, like you do. Some do it with little gifts. Some do it
with meaningful time. Some do it with touch. Some do it with kind
words. A person can have more than one, but there usually is a
dominant one. So, it could be that your husband doesn't have a clue
how you feel loved, and therefore you are starving. These are some
thoughts for your consideration. Be sure to let me know if you want
to talk further.