Is Fantasy a Sin?

 by Chuck Snyder
 co-chaplain for the Seattle Mariners


Dear Chuck
I am a 23 year-old married mother of two children. For the past year or so, I have been engaging in the most wonderful relationship, in my imagination. I would take myself to another world with this guy, be wined and dined, enjoy parties, meet new people -- all in my imagination. Is this considered adultery? I don't let my thought go as far as actual intimacy or sex, but I still feel guilty sometimes. Am I crazy? What does God think about this?Fan

Chuck's Response
Thanks for your interesting question about fantasies in your mind with a man other than your husband. I don't think it's sin as long as you are not having sex with the man in your mind, if that is possibl,  maybe it is for a woman, I know it would be more difficult for a man to do this. Your affections, however, would be better focused on your husband, but I think everyone from time to time sees someone and wonders what it would be like to be married to them. I think that is only natural. However, if those thoughts happen continually, then I wonder if maybe there are serious flaws in your marriage. Otherwise, you would be dreaming about your husband and including some nice sex. How is your marriage? Is this an escape from a dull relationship? Is your husband neglecting you? I'll probably take some shots from my legalist friends, but I would not consider what you are doing in your mind sin. Adultery in the mind, however, IS sin as you know. It would be healthier if your husband were the object of your fantasy's affections. Let me know what's going on, and I'll get back to you. Thanks for reaching out.

Chuck Snyder



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Updated 05/24/2005