I Feel Like God is Teasing Me

 by Chuck Snyder
 co-chaplain for the Seattle Mariners


Dear Chuck
I am a 22 year-old single woman who feels a strong attraction to a married man at work. I am ashamed of myself as I write this. These feelings go against everything I've ever believed in. I know God doesn't approve of it.

It all started when this guy started teasing me. He doesn't mean anything by it, he just likes to tease and it seems like he's flirting. I know this because I questioned another woman I work with. When I first became attracted to him, it was when I was new to the company and I didn't even know he was married. He seems to be the epitome of everything I've ever wanted in a man. He's even-tempered, kind and respectful to everyone, and has a great sense of humor. 

Before you start thinking I'd ever consider an affair, I wouldn't. I love God too much to do that. So I live with these torturous feelings. I feel like God is teasing me, letting me meet the man of my dreams when I canít have him. Itís like God is sort of dangling a carrot in front of me. Please help me figure out how to deal with these feelings.

Chuck's Response
My heart really went out to you. Whatís happening to you is called biology. I studied it in college, :>). You did nothing wrong in falling in love with this wonderful guy. The problem is, he has been defrauding you whether he meant to or not. I donít know how well you know God, but this guy CANíT be the man of your dreams; heís married. God would not put you in this sort of situation to see you squirm.

Itís like me going around a corner and running into a car I didnít see until too late. God did not plan for me to do that. It was natural law. I was going too fast, or didnít properly look for traffic. God didnít have anything to do with this except to help me get through the hurts. The reason your friend can seem so wonderful is that you and he have no commitment. Men are always on their best behavior when they are not committed to someone. He would be better off giving his wife the attention he is giving you. Like I say, I donít know his heart, but sometimes when things are not going real well at home, a manís eyes will wander a bit if heís not careful.

This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Now that you know his situation, you need to cool off the relationship so he wonít get the wrong signals from you. Be kind and courteous, but distant. There is nothing for you to gain and everything to lose by maintaining a close relationship with a married man.

I doubt these words soothe your heart, and I wish I had better news, but these are my thoughts on the situation for your consideration. Be sure to let me know if you want to talk further. 

Chuck Snyder


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Contact Chuck: chuck@chucksnyder.org
Updated 05/24/2005