Wife's Emphasis on the Home

 by Chuck Snyder
 co-chaplain for the Seattle Mariners

 

Dear Chuck,
Why does my wife put so much emphasis on how our home looks?  It seems like every little thing needs to be in place ... especially if we have company coming.

Chuck's Response
I believe a woman, whether she works in the marketplace or not, gets much of her self worth from how her home looks.  Even women who are top CEO's in our high-tech world will still feel bad if the kitchen is a mess when she leaves for work, and may be found scrubbing the floor at 7:30 at night even if she has an early morning breakfast meeting the next day. On the other hand men tend to get their identity from their work. Its interesting to note that almost every man mentioned in the Bible is identified by his work; David the Shepherd, Paul the Tentmaker, Matthew the Tax Collector, Peter the Fisherman, Jesus the Carpenter. On the other hand, most women are identified by their RELATIONSHIPS. She can be very successful in the marketplace but most of her self esteem comes from how her home looks and people in her life. Sure she likes to succeed too, but her whole life is not tied up in that.

On the other hand, most women are identified by their RELATIONSHIPS. She can be very successful in the marketplace but most of her self esteem comes from how her home looks and people in her life. Sure she likes to succeed too, but her whole life is not tied up in that.

This is evident when Barb and I meet a new couple socially.  I will introduce myself as Chuck Snyder, I have an Advertising Agency and write books and do lay counseling.  Barb will introduce herself as Barb Snyder, Chuck's wife, and mother of 3 kids and she has 6 Grandchildren.  She might even mention that we adopted our daughter Debbie when she was 34 years old, and had all of the family over to our home for Christmas.  Barb writes books too, teaches Bible studies and seminars, and does counseling, and is my business partner, but she identifies herself by her relationships, while I usually identify myself by what I do for a living.

Over the years it has become quite evident that our home is where Barb finds most of her identity. Barb and I have separate bathrooms in our home.  She has been complaining over the years that I didn't get all of the soap out of my towel and washcloth in the mornings after I had finished getting ready for my day.  She said she could "stand them in the corner by themselves", which is probably true ... but since we rarely invite guests to tour my bathroom, the chances are slight that anyone would be offended by my towel and washcloth in a stiffened condition.  In fact, the only one who has ever been offended in 47 plus years of marriage by a tour of my bathroom is Barb.  Since evidently my towel and washcloth reflects on her self-image, I have been under a great deal of pressure to try and wash all of the soap out of my towel and washcloth better.  The problem is how can I become a success in life if I spend until noon every day getting the soap out?  One time Barb bought me a brand new towel and washcloth and presented them to me with the strong admonition that I keep them fresh and clean.  Well you'll be proud.  They are as fresh and clean as the day she brought them home from the store.  That's because I've never USED them!  I call them my CEREMONIAL towel and washcloth.  I have ANOTHER towel and washcloth standing behind the bathroom door that I use for my morning routine.  Now our guests won't be offended needlessly if and when they ever stumble into my bathroom.

We men need to remember that the mud on the rug that we dragged in makes our WIVES feel muddy. Or if the work were doing on the shower is not complete SHES not complete. We wont understand this, but we need to accept the fact that this is how most women are designed and get over it.

Chuck Snyder

 

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Contact Chuck: chuck@chucksnyder.org
Updated 05/24/2005